“Life might just be an absurd, even crude, chain of events and nothing more.”

—Haruki Marukami

As human beings, it is inherent in our nature to search for meaning — a reason for existence. We try to make sense of ourselves and things around and within us, our experiences, the world, and the fundamental purpose of life. We long for coherence, order, and certainty but life is full of contradiction, irrationality, and uncertainty.

Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Can life still be meaningful even if it has no determinate purpose?

In reality, there are many questions that we have no clear answers to. Despite our longing to understand the meaning of life or how it should be lived, attempting to find a grand explanation for it is futile. The cosmos we live in appears to be indifferent, silent, and devoid of the ultimate meaning and purpose we yearn for. To be stuck in between the space of desiring meaning and realizing the impossibility of finding it– that French-Algerian philosopher Albert Camus labels as ‘the absurd’.

Tammy de Roca’s works reflect her inner desire to find clarity and clear direction in the path ahead of her. Overwhelmed by the amount of possible pathways she can traverse, her paintings serve as visual representations of her internal struggle. The artist ponders which direction will yield something meaningful and transcendent in the end. As all trails appear to be vanishing—there is no way of knowing and foreseeing what is up ahead.

“In pursuit of the vanishing path” explores the vulnerability of the human condition—to feel despair, dread and hopelessness and the persistence to find meaning in an inherently meaningless world. When you think about it, life may really seem absurd. For what purpose do we toil and carry on? Perhaps all our efforts to find direction,meaning and purpose may seem insignificant in the end but it does not and should not end there. As the greatest discoveries, progress and realizations of mankind were found in the pursuit to go beyond what is known. It was found in the struggle to push beyond the limits–towards even greater heights. There is beauty in carrying on despite our fears and questions. To take one step at a time until we find confidence to take leaps. To see that it was never about the destination and endgame–but the journey we undergo, and how we are transformed in the process. That even if we do not reach the summit, we find joy in the path towards it. We find consolation in Albert Camus when he said, “The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart.”

Danna Espinosa